The Things We Do For Love…
Dear Woo Woo Girl:
Help! I have been married for seven years and not sure how much more I can take. My husband belittles everything I do, wants to know where I am going, assigns housework to me, and last night pushed me into the wall. On the outside he is a nice, cute, and a helpful guy who has many friends. When people come over, he does all the work and pretends that he spent all day getting the barbecue ready. Even my girlfriends flirt with him, and tell me how lucky I am to have him. Everyone believes him and ignores me. They don’t know the real story and I am too embarrassed to say anything. When I first met him he was dominating in a cute way, but he has turned into a monster. I don’t know what to do?
Signed: I Married a Monster
I am so sorry, you are going through this. If I could hold your hand and walk you through the tunnel of darkness to the beacon of light in the distance I would. Not only did the man of your dreams turn into a monster but he chipped away at your self-esteem. Fixing this, fixing him or finding a solution won’t be easy, but know you will come out stronger.
My humble advice is to understand what attracted you to your Prince Charming of a husband. Ask yourself did you like that he seemed a little jealous, because it made you feel loved and safe? Were you attracted to his social persona because he seemed more confident than you? What were the boxes he ticked to morph into your dream husband?
Once you find the answers of what drew you to him, ask yourself if you can find those qualities in yourself. Your reality going forward is that you and only you are and will be enough to fulfill what you are no longer willing to accept from him. Prince Charming as you have unfortunately discovered is not so charming and poses a threat to your wellbeing. It is time to seriously let go of an ideal that doesn’t exist for you, even though you are going against the perceptions of your circle of friends and more devastating, your perception of him and you.
Facing reality isn’t easy, but to keep physically safe, to safeguard everything that is you, it is imperative that you take a hard look at him, what it means to be with and without him.
Another reality is that leaving would be a good option.
Unless he learns to respect you, until you draw the line that indicates your boundaries, living together is toxic and dangerous.
The two of you have a lot of growing to do-on your own
Because you feel your friends don’t know the real person you are married to or how you are diminished, finding a friend or a professional to confide in is vital. Find a posse who can surround you from the current attacks and those that are sure to come. Begin to surround yourself with people who believe in you and not the persona that your husband sold to you and everyone else.
It won’t be easy to fix, and you won’t come out unscathed. Tears will shed, your heart will scream I am not brave enough to do this, but you are and you must. You might find your friends are not true friends and side with your man. That will be just fine. Because from here on, you are going to learn to be the captain of your ship and steer yourself into safe, protective waters. Leave the shark behind.
Run away! Now!
The things we do for love shouldn’t include staying in an abusive relationship yet are one of the most difficult relationships to let go of.
Even though they are dangerous they are clung to with tentacle like arms. Why? You have shrunk in size and can’t imagine how little old you can survive without an abusive lord directing your life. Find a shelter, a support group, a place to hide. You need an exit strategy.
Educate yourself as much as possible. Here are some additional resources.
Recognize and ADMIT that you are THAT person! The one who tolerated abusive behavior in the name of love.
WATCH THIS VIDEO!
The things we do for love!
Spiritual Practice: Meditation :