Dear Woo Woo Girl:
How bad a person am I? I feel secretly jealous of my friends who are more successful than me. I’m a good person with a solid education and skill sets but my friends make more money than I do. They have gotten further in life. I know life isn’t a race but they have more “stuff”; more responsibility; more authority. Don’t get me wrong. I love my friends but I guess I am critical of them. Like everyone, they are not perfect. They have a number of personality flaws but is it terrible of me to question how they manage to have successful careers? This is so petty, and I am ashamed to admit it, but just as an example – My good friend speaks so fast, and her listening skills are questionable. There is barely time to digest what she is saying and it’s hard to get a word in. She is decidedly anxious and kind of focused on herself, but she has a 6 figure job. How is that possible? We work in the same industry – marketing – but for some reason, her career took off and mine stalled. Another friend has less responsibility and education but makes so much more than I do. I don’t like her as much so I don’t feel so bad that I am jealous. Still, I’m not really a stand up person, to feel this way, am I?

I know I shouldn’t be critical but I can’t help wonder why I am not as successful because I think I present at least outwardly, as someone who is confident and capable. I’m 35 and have my own condo. I am doing ok. But both friends have so much more. I have to budget, and they don’t. I truly feel awful. I thought I was a spiritual being. I didn’t think I was the kind of person who begrudges their friends their success, but I guess I am.
Signed Mortified At Myself

DEAR MAM:
Who needs enemies when we have friends like you!
Geez. Lol. Teasing just a little bit.
Look it. We all want to be the chosen one. In us, lies the large green monster with the envy eyes. We might not admit it, but we secretly long to be picked, to stand out, to prove to the world we are special. Inside each and every one of us lies a wallflower waiting to be picked. Yearnings bloom from deep within.
Have you ever scanned the room during a happy occasion when someone is being celebrated?
The person being acknowledged has a ray of light around them, while there are a myriad of colored emotions that emit from everyone else reflecting the when will I ever succeed thought; the Lord, she’s not so great, or why did they pick her? Most people try to hide how they feel by smiling, but if you look closely, their eyes are lying.

Not everyone is honestly happy for someone which is my point.

Jealously is a snake that will curl up and devour you from the inside. It will prevent you from reaching further, and going after what you want. Jaundiced feelings permeate. Your friends become what you see in them, and not the reason you were attracted to them to begin with. They are vision of your idea of success, but do you really know how happy they are? Do they confide in you? Because jealously morphs you into that one over critical friend, everyone talks superficially too, but trust is problematic. Besides, you know that friend who talks too much? She knows how you feel. It emits from your pours, the way you smile, and say hello. She’s no fool.

So what do you do about it? You shut it down. Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, you wish it away. Try and deflect. Think of their hair which you love, or their sense of humor, or their sense of style. That fabulous pair of shoes they bought remind you of how awesome it is to have friends with talent and taste. Anything that reminds you of why you were friends in the first place. Then focus on putting together a game plan for yourself. Ask for their help! Obviously they are doing something right. Become a team of good friends versus a silent mean girl.

It’s not spiritually aligned is it? Jealously stops you from accessing your heart; hence your true desire. If you are busy focusing on consciously building what YOU want, then your life is filled with more. A spiritual practice that opens your heart chakra would help move your perspective from judgement to self acceptance of you. From there your heart opens to others less critically. A daily practice reminds us that we are not just material beings, are we? If our needs our met-food, shelter, love – then what does more look like to you. Express yourself creatively, or in a way that expresses your uniqueness. The elusive more should be the more that is in you to show; not salivating over the more in others.

Wish it away for you and for them.