Dear Woo Woo Girl:
I spend a lot of money on fillers and injections. At 57 I am afraid to lose my looks and not have someone look at me. I don’t want to grow old! Signed Desperate.

Dear Desperate:
Who does? LOL. As women we put so much value in how we looked growing up. It was important to be noticed and valued for your looks. Right? I get it. I spent years in that space of insecurity putting energy into trying to get validation from the way I looked- flirting – tossing my hair back, pretending not to care, but always looking out of the corner of my eye to see who was looking back at me.

I WAS A VAIN GIRL AND INSECURE WOMAN.

For years it was the way I communicated. Through my face and body. A flirty gesture would make my day. Catching someone’s eye walking down the street seemed trivial yet was so impactful; it soothed my fears of needing to be recognized and spoke volumes about my self-worth. I had no idea what people saw when they looked at me. If you held a mirror up to my face I’m not sure I would know it was me, because the inside versus the outside me were very different people. But the attention felt good. It was hard and still is, difficult to let go.

LONGING FOR SOMEONE TO ADMIRE THE OUTER YOU UNDERMINES THE INNER YOU.

For me, a sense of aliveness, a huge curiosity for people and places, and enthusiasm for life- things that I had always been admired for, didn’t become a significant part of what I stood for, for a long time because I was too focused on outward acknowledgement. Was he looking at me? Did you see that! Never oncer did I ask, does he really know me? Shame really.



Some days I still am that attention seeking face. I sit on that edge depending on who is in the room. I still might stand a chance to get noticed. And I notice who gets noticesd. But it’s a roller coaster ride in insecurity, and vulnerability – things that shouldn’t be relevant to any woman 50 and up – or for any age.

There is nothing wrong with admiring beauty in all forms. The fresh face of a young person is like  beautiful art, furniture and design. So is a well carved mature face, but it holds a different connation. The older face says a lot of things, including we have now entered the final phase of life which isn’t a death sentence.

IT’S REALLY NOT OVER TILL IT’S OVER.. but the superficial, seamless beauty part is.

Of course, the real issue Dear Desperate is the attributes we assign to a young, unlined face. That is really important for both of us to remember Dear Desperate – a face – a youthful face or any face has attributes which only we get to decide to assign. It can have super human qualities that are an outright lie, if you get carried away by it. A face isn’t really honest, mean, smart, friendly, successful, attractive unless we decide it is. Mostly, this longing for smooth skin – is about sexual conquest and longing for attention, and a secret desire for a do-over!

LETS FACE IT. IT’S HARD TO AGE.

Maturity and the elderly are not considered important anymore.  Cultural relevance doesn’t exist. You would think that as we age, moving from the role of seeker to advisor – someone who has substance and experience, should count for something. Nope! That role has been taken away. It’s all mixed up, and trying to hold on to your youth only confuses things.


The reality is you will have 30 more years of living to do and it can’t be based on trying to catch someone’s eye for validation. But as you fit in those appointments and hide out with a red face from microdermabrasion, build something internal. While your hair turns grey, your breasts sag, and crepey skin lives under your arm, work on learning something new. Become relevant to you. Not for anyone else, because whether you can sell it, market it, share it, you are reinventing yourself from the inside out by igniting that aliveness, and enthusiasm.

So I guess what I am saying is go ahead! Take  expensive anti aging steps.  Botox. Tummy tucks. Eye lifts. Facelift. If you have the money why not. I’m all for it. I’m always on the hunt for the best free trial of a facelift in a bottle which I order online only to be disappointed and automatically billed the full value of $149. A little secret. Egg white does wonders for a temporary lift. If it means you can buy a few years of innocent delight, fabulous darling!



BUT DON’T BE DECEIVED!

KNOW….
 It’s so you delay being invisible walking down the street. But one day you will.
It’s so you feel relevant when you walk into a room. One day is today. You are and always were relevant.
It’s so you can feed the need to still be part of the workforce and compete. Only if you have kept up with the times and bring umquestionable value.  One day you won’t.
It’s so you remember what that youthful version of you represented. The joke is on you. You are still you, only better.

MOSTLY, BE GRATEFUL. IT’S YOUR TIME!