Dear Woo Woo Girl: I have been on-line dating for two years with no luck. Is there something wrong with me? Rejected.
Dear Rejected: Think of online dating like shopping for shoes. There are so many choices, but only a few will be comfortable enough to take home…Here are some tips to finding your MUI MUI’S amidst the Birkenstocks.

Did you know there is a 70/30 rule? A lot of research has gone into maximizing finding true love on-line and it starts with your profile.
70% of your profile should be about you.

Who you are, what you like and what you like to do. Think like a marketer. You know about that shoe you are drooling over, because a lot of thought went into creating an image for that brand, and in a crude way, you are trying to sell a “brand” of yourself.

Be specific. Point out what is unique about you. You love to travel. So does everyone.
A shoe is a shoe is a shoe, unless you specify the difference.
What kind of travel do you like. In a short sentence, describe your best travel experience. You’re a foodie? Mention the blog you started.

30% is about what YOU want.
I think this is where woman (and men) fall short. They are too specific, too picky, too superficial. They aim to high or to low. Most importantly – be real. If you want a health conscious partner say it. BUT someone who thinks about going to the gymn and just needs a little coaching is ok too. More REAL works.

2. PLAY THE NAME GAME….keep it light. Play with their name… hey…what does JC stand for? Jesus Christ right? Or, if that is too taxing ask “Would you Questions”
Would you rather always find a parking spot or always find your keys?
Note: Maximum number of recommended words when first contacting? 40!

3. USE GIFS. Something cute other than “hey” will attract that new person. You wouldn’t buy a high end shoe with out seeing an ad would you? Well you might, but it helps to be drawn in in a cute way.

4. ASK FOR HELP. (Pretend he is the shoe clerk and you are looking for answers.) It could be something like,
“Morning.  I couldn’t sleep all night because my neighbor was playing loud music the whole time. Not sure how to handle it. Any suggestions?”
His reply gives you crucial information and the opportunity to see how empathetic your on-line potential is. If he talks about how it happened to him as well, and he doesn’t give you a solution, you wouldn’t buy from him- nor should you date him. He’s a problem avoider.

5. DON’T MENTION: your debt load, your divorce, your last girlfriend, threesomes, or that you live with your mother. Too much information too soon is a buzz kill. The shoe saleman who talks too much will never make that sale. Besides there are some things only your best friends should know. Don’t let verbal diarrhea kick in. Let a potential date get to know you before you drop any bombs on them. They might be more willing to accept your circumstance, when they have a context to put you in.

6. TRY ON THOSE SHOES ( DATES) SOONER RATHER THAN LATER. There are a couple of reasons for this.

1. Forget research. Face to face meetings gives you a tactile feel for the person. You might be attracted to them on-line but in-person, animal instincts kick in…he might repulse you the minute he opens his mouth.
2. If on-line conversation goes drag out, he’s having multiple conversations, he’s afraid to meet face to face, AND he’s wasting your time.

7. WHEN IN DOUBT, SWIPE RIGHT. Sometimes flexibility is key. Loosen up on the right height, the right occupation, the kid thing. Try on a different style of shoe. We all learn from each other. He could turn out to be a new love, a new best friend, or new handyman.

8. CONVERSELY. AIM HIGH! Indulge in those MIU MIU’s. If there is a really hot dude or awesome girl who you feel might be beyond your pay grade, or some ill-conceived status of yourself , try anyway. It’s your opportunity to up your game, try something new, and push your fears of not being good enough away. No more playing small.

9. WHO PAYS? This is a tough one. Unlike shoe shopping, you are both customer and product. Because  you are essentially shopping for a mate, AND he is shopping for one- meaning you-I would loosen up on any preconcieved notions you have about who should pay, and why.
You are both trying each other out and on-line dating is a volume game.

Instead, meet for coffee, drinks, a walk, a bike ride….something that doesn’t kill the wallet….because it’s not about how well he (or she) can impress you by paying the bill but creating an environment where you don’t resent paying in an exchange for the opportunity to suss out his real personality.

Remind yourself this is the grown up you, entitled to those MUI MUI’s and not the teenage you that falls apart when you were snubbed and settled for the the first guy who asked you out.
Sure it sucks to be ghosted, but only a morsel of you is getting rejected.
The full you is still to be uncovered.
Your self esteem shouldn’t be on the line here.
If it is, find ways to stay grounded. On-line isn’t the place to be vulnerable. You are, as Marissa Peer say’s, “ You Are Good Enough”. If you need further encouragement watch her video.

Remember -Shopping is tiring and you are not guaranteed to find the perfect fit right away.
Besides…your shoes were made for walking….away!