Dear Woo Woo Girl
My husband wants a threesome. Every now and then he brings it up. I try and avoid talking about it, because I just don’t want to go there. What should I do?
Mortified!

Dear Mortified:
SEX! Three Way Sex?
Nothing like a dirty thought to challenge our weak spots, and turns our cheeks flaming red.

What is the big deal about sex and sexual partners anyway?
Well, it’s our morals, societies’ morals, our dirty little secrets and hidden desires. It’s coupling for propagation, pleasure, physical release, and a solution to loneliness. Sex holds our shame, decadence, humiliation, dominance, acquiescence, love, self- denial, self- sabotage, selfishness.
Sex with a third party holds all of that and more.
It highlights problems between couples in the bedroom and in everyday life when their wants are not in sync. Dear Mortified, perhaps what he is really saying is that he is bored. What you are really saying is that you are hurt that he is bored and feel betrayed that he is looking somewhere else?
The very first thing is to ask yourself…

EXCUSE ME????

 Is a threesome something that YOU want!
Full disclosure here – I have never had a threesome. But I have friends who have. Smart, funny, nice, normal people. So does that mean you should Dear Mortified?  Well, group sex is quick intimacy, and with a third party depending on if you know them or not, it’s a night of indulgence or a closeness among friends who love and respect each other; who have history together..
If it is for you, great! If not, Dear Mortified it’s time for a heart to heart with your husband. It could be as simple as he wants to change it up.

So..Spice it up. Surprise him. Get out a tickle trunk…whatever titillates yours and his fancy. He can too. It’s not a one woman job here!

Let’s be real.  Couples get bored. How can you not if you don’t spice it up, or add a bottle of wine, or change who you have become in their eyes. It’s normal. Like the waxing and waning of life and aging, there are good sex cycles and then not so much. When it’s in sync, it’s fabulous. When it’s not-well that could take many shapes..
But and it’s a big BUT– the real issue – and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this – is that I think that we have misinterpreted
…the act of doing sex instead of making love. “
It’s one thing if you are single and you are exploring, a little bored or a little lonely. But if you are in a relationship then it’s closeness you are after and not a one off…you can do that by yourself… it’s the kind of closeness that comes when you are standing in a crowded room and you look across at your partner and know, he’s your guy…still, after 20 years and only the two of you know the dance you play in the bedroom. It’s warm and fuzzy, it’s close, it’s cherished.

Is it wrong to want to add someone to the mix? Hell no. But only if you are not humiliated, or feel degraded, and all those hurt feelings are dealt with, because you can bet your bottom dollar than in a threesome,
1. Someone may feel left out at some point.
2. You Could Catch Feelings!
Which brings me to my next point. I have had heated discussions with friends about this. How, more than two partners feels like animal behavior. What separates us from the pack of dogs gang banging each other?
Aren’t I better than my canine that I care for- who gives in to his primal behavior first?  My friends argue we ARE animals. I can’t go there. There has to be a difference. For me, it’s intellectual talk rather than a feeling talk, that drives that discussion. The key to who is right is back to intimacy. Is it a quick fix or is it an intimate one, and no matter what ANYONE says- feelings ARE involved. How can they not be? It’s natural to want to be picked, it’s natural to be jealous, it’s natural to want to like someone you are having sex with. Otherwise it’s like going to the doctor’s office-clinical. If that’s the case, you are truly better off staying at home, taking care of yourself.

Which brings me to my next point Dear Mortified.

It’s not just about SEX!

It’s not about how often or how varied one dives into something, but how deep you go. It takes over 10,000 hours of practice to make you an expert. Why shouldn’t you apply the same principles of dedication to SEX. Instead of looking for variety, go DEEPER…try a little WOO WOO SEX
TANTRIC SEX is passionate sex that includes Mindfulness. Letting go, is the idea. And going deep, metaphorically, spiritually and physically. It can help you release shame, trauma, and blocks around sex, unleashing the transformative power of your erotic energy and leading you to some of the most soul-shattering orgasms ever.  It’s an importance process not just for sex but for life. It allows for more connection to oneself, your needs and awareness. So if threesomes make you uncomfortable, you might want to consider it. It will bring you and your husband closer, and there are lots of added benefits such as increased vitality, mental focus, and energy levels!
Love
The Woo Woo Girl
xoxox