Dear Woo Woo Girl:
I am 29 and about to get married. I have been engaged for a year, and my wedding is in 4 weeks. I am thrilled. My fiancé is the kind of man that I have dreamed of, but I am scared to death. Cancer runs in my family. My mother had colon cancer, my father had prostrate cancer, my aunt had breast cancer, and my three uncles died of stomach cancer. I keep thinking it is unfair to be a burden to someone with this kind of history. What happens if we have children, and I get sick? Or worse, what happens if my child gets cancer?
I know you can’t tell me whether I will get cancer, but maybe you can tell me what I should do. Should I get married? Should I have children? I haven’t told my fiancé the full extent of cancer in my family.
Signed: I’m afraid.
Dear I’m afraid:
You are spiraling! That ball of fear is packed tight in your gut and if you don’t unwind it, life will become a bigger disaster then the one you have imagined. You don’t want to spoil the beginning of a dream with a sense of foreboding. The darkness hasn’t arrived yet, so let it go. Fear in advance is debilitating, and do you hear what you are saying? You are so afraid of “what if “ that forfeiting a lovely life with your dream guy to avoid the pain of something that may never happen.
Stop it! Now!
I call this disaster mongering. Does it spill over to other parts of your life, or have you managed to contain it to just the cancer part? Talk to the dude. Explain your tears and fears, and hear what he has to say. If he is the kind of guy you think he is-a decent fellow that cares for you and your life together- then he will say something like, “I love you…we will deal with it together IF it comes our way.”
No-one knows what life will bring us. The universe may have an entirely different plan for you. While statistically, your chances of getting cancer are higher than average, nothing in life is 100 % certain. You might just breeze through that part. As for having children, that is a mutual decision. Deciding whether to have a little you has to be something the two of you are willing to take the risk together. Of course it would be terrible if your child was left motherless, but he/she will survive. If your child got cancer, well he could also get hit by a car. You can plan for the cancer disaster, and you might be side swiped by a tsunami on vacation. No-one knows how life will play out.
Only God and your cosmic destiny can decide.
Take your chances and hope for the best.
Cancer IS frightening and there is a lot of bargaining with God, involved. I know. I have had it twice. For 2 years, I was in and out of surgery. I have had my boobs cut off, and went bald. Just when I reached the “all clear” five year mark, doctos found another lump. All I could think of was I was going to lose my hair again! There went another two years of dragging my sorry ass around telling myself I would be fine. Just trust!
I also lost the sight of my right eye – not related to cancer.
So you see. Who knew?
I am still standing, sharing with you. Would I have liked to know what the future would bring? Hell, no. Knowing that I would have cancer would make me like you-living with a knot in my gut which would bring digestive issues at the very least. It was after having cancer, my life changed. It was a journey filled with highs and low, and sadness as my father died from cancer too. There were a lot of losses but there were a lot of experiences too. I built a home for a single mother in Belize. I changed a few peoples lives, wrote three books. The journey was bitter sweet. But more importantly I lost my fears of so many things. And it wasn’t the end. It was a soul searching, new, wild beginning.
So what I’m trying to tell you is- no matter how much you antcpate getting diagnosed with the big “C” in advance, won’t change whether you will or won’t get cancer. None of my siblings did. And IF it shows up as your destiny, you don’t want to go it alone, do you? Besides, it doesn’t mean it’s the end.
It could be, it’s just going to be a bad f@#cking year.
What I want you to do is walk down that aisle, fearless; focused on the good that is in front of you today, not tomorrow. Buy the most expensive wedding dress you can afford, Most importantly, live like life is fragile because it. Consciously live and make all your dreams come true, rather than turning your back on possibilities because of what if?
Woo Woo Girl