Dear Woo Woo Girl: I am struggling to be happy. I can’t seem to get my shit together, or find peace in my life. Waking up in the morning seems hard. Work is stressful, my social life while I have one, feels blah. I’m not connecting with the right people.  And I’m really struggling to keep it together. Oh, and I’m disappointed in someone who I thought I might have a relationship with. I’m struggling and one hot mess.

Signed, One Hot Mess

Dear One Hot Mess:
Hmm. Where to start? It feels like you are about to spill over if you haven’t already.  Here’s the thing. A good life, a satisfying life, a “happy” life is determined by the foundation you have built for yourself. If your roots go deep  similar to a huge oak tree, then you won’t be so disappointed, stressed out, and frankly sad.
Why? Because you are supported by you.

The only thing that is certain in life is uncertainty, and the concept of fluidity which means life is constantly moving and rearranging itself. Without a strong foundation to hold you strong when the wind blows, even when it doesn’t blow, you will knocked over again and again until you can’t get back up.

The good news is you are not alone. Know this. Very few people are content and that’s across all age brackets and it’s because their foundation is wobbly.

To be strong, to not be a victim, to be that elusive “happy” instead of one hot mess, you need a foundation that includes four things that support you.

1. Community – in this fickle day and age, there are many things – too many things to be a part of. The world is waiting for you and has turned the collective “us” into incredible opportunists because of the plethora of choices. We complain about the superficiality of our friendships, and how our friends are not loyal, yet we are impatient, self-absorbed, and definitely not committed.  Momentary enthusiasm trumps longstanding loyalty to a community. It’s your and our loss and it’s a huge one. Communities pick you up when you fall. They give you a safe place to be you; for people to know you and you to know them. Even if they are not your “people” they offer you shelter, and bring out qualities you never knew you had. More importantly they offer consistent friendship, which by all accounts, we are severely lacking.

We live in a contradiction. We want without staying long enough to allow people to find us.

And, we make the mistake by thinking people don’t need to be one hundred per cent your “people” to be valuable to your existence.

By ignoring a community, we are like shifting tectonic plates, passing by without touching a hand.

2. Tools to Settle Yourself With.
If you know me, you know I am big on meditation. Why? Because without it, I run the risk of being one hot mess too. If you can’t settle you, how will you ever breathe without anxiety. There is and always will be something wrong in life. The kids have gone AWOL, the girlfriend dumped you, your spouse died, your coworker sabotaged you, or you got so drunk you embarrassed yourself and your friends are now giving you the cold shoulder.  
Sometimes what is wrong is elusive.
Perhaps everything IS wrong and life has fallen into pieces dragging you into the shredder. Call it biology, call it circumstance, you can call a hot mess by whatever name you want to throw at it, but if you can’t find ways to settle your mind, body, and spirit, then even when the going is good, you will NEVER be truly “happy”.

Over and over I hear the word anxiety by people of all ages and stages. We may not be able to prevent our state – our nature that we came into the world with, but we can prevent it from controlling us.

Staying in bed all day, feeling overwhelmed by life is not an option, but an indulgence you have given yourself.

 If you push further, if you really decide you want change to happen then embrace “woo woo” tools like meditation, flow, energy healing, & chi gong. Through a consistent routine that can take you  deeper into and away from yourself, you will come to understand that there is a bigger picture than your current circumstances and you. It takes a consistent practice, and dedication. It’s not easy but a strong foundation through “woo woo” practices shows you how to be an observer of shit rather than a struggling to get out of the pile.

3. Service : What was that saying…don’t ask what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country? We are living in a time of incredible self-absorption and victimhood. There are so many options out there, and our collective wants and needs reach for it all.
Yet we are STILL miserable.
Experiencing it all means we are moving without connecting and staying long enough to remember your foundation. We are children in a candy store with an unlimited wallet. Being of service is one of the best things you can do to feel good about you. Not only is there always someone worse off than you, but if you reach out and do good, it becomes a self-actualization of your own inherent goodness and worthiness.

A selfless act is a selfish act but the best kind BUT it reaffirms you are not just taking up space on the planet and wallowing in self-pity.

4. Speaking your truth. This is an interesting one which never gets the attention it deserves. Fear and the inability to articulate your truth, is one of the most debilitating contributors to anxiety, depression and unhappiness. The inability to trust that you can admit to shamefulness, sadness, failure, frailness, means your burdens are carried like a ball and change around your foot.
What does this have to do with creating a strong foundation?
Once you can articulate out loud your dilemmas and feelings, you learn to trust the universe that people have your back, and you can examine issues more clearly knowing you are not alone. Holding it in brings your inner pot to a boiling point which becomes overwhelming and too much too bear. It’s a tornado of destabilization. Settle down by confiding in someone.

At the end of the day to be “happy” is an illusion. It’s an esoteric thought that really means contentment with one self, and NOT that life will stop throwing snowballs at your head. Having a strong inner foundation, teaches you to step aside, lighten up, and understand that the universe is so much bigger than you and the drama, and unfortunate circumstances around you, are just that – they are not you. (I know it’s a hard idea to wrap your head around)

But I am going to be like Home Depot. Build it. Build it now.

Love Dear Woo Woo Girl xoxo